Saturday, February 25, 2012

It's almost spring!

Of course, here in Ohio it barely feels like it has been winter, but that's how I like it. Most years, it feels like we're waiting and waiting at the door, looking for Spring's car (in our pajamas, freezing our butts off while someone behind us is calling "Close the door! You're letting out all the heat!"). This year, it feels more like Spring never really left town, so we (or I, anyway) never got the chance to really miss her with that aching, familiar "Pleeeeeeeeeease come back!" feeling that gnaws at our guts by the end of most Ohio winters. So when she finally gets here, it'll be more like she finds us playing in the yard with our backs turned, happy to be surprised that she's here to stay this time.

Aaaaaand of course, our February vacation to Arizona could have contributed to my weather optimism. Nothing quite kills the winter blues like walking around Phoenix in flip-flops and sunglasses and enjoying a beer on a patio. I have a friend at work who goes to Florida every January. When she told me that, I thought "How brilliant is THAT?! How come a winter vacation never occurred to me?" This year, we finally did it. And it was lovely.

In other news, I'm taking a class at church that is all about prayer. It has been very good, and much more challenging than I expected. In a way, praying has never felt more difficult than now, when I am focused on trying to learn to do it more often and more effectively. I am trying to push through the difficulty, and this quote (from the book Prayer by O. Hallesby) is an encouragement in that:

"I do not think that we should look upon these painful experiences too pessimistically. Surely they are more profitable than we think at the time we are going through the anguish connected with them...But if they are to be of any benefit to us, we must, in the first place, be truthful and not begin to practice deception, that is, excuse and defend our slovenly prayer life. We must admit our weakness in prayer, and admit that we are faced with a problem that cannot be solved by our own efforts."

Speaking of our own efforts...I'm realizing that I am very much in love with my own efforts. I like to think that any difficulty can be solved by my applying effort to it. I am very good at trying hard, and I like the feeling that I can do something well when I do try hard. Spiritually speaking, this type of approach is suicide. The heart of the gospel* is that my self-efforts are futile next to what God requires of me. The gospel says that I have tried (we all have tried) and failed. So Christ did what I could not do, and now the only effort of mine that is fruitful is the effort I put toward trusting that Jesus is enough. So I must press on, but not in working for God or somehow proving that I am good enough, but I have to press on in faith. Something cool that our class teacher said was that when we realize how weak we are (when prayer feels so difficult), instead of getting bummed out and giving up, we can take our weakness and combine it with faith. Bring it to God, and tell him we are weak. That is prayer, and God says it bears fruit.

"Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing." - Jesus (John 15:5)

So I'm excited about this class.
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*The link was not buried there by Internet spammers. It's a 5-minute lyrical masterpiece that describes the gospel very well. Well worth your 5 minutes.