Under Construction

random things I have been learning (or at least thinking about)

2011-11-07T10:04:00.001-08:00

Pretending to know something you don't know is silly. I'd like to resolve not to do this anymore, even if I feel stupid.
What's the point in yelling? Unless you need to have your voice heard across a large distance, there's usually no good reason to use a lot of volume to communicate something you could also communicate with just words.
Babies are cute :) Since I've passed the 30 mark, they seem only to be getting cuter.
Every year I dread Ohio winters a little more.
Sometimes (often) I need people to point things out to me that I cannot see on my own.
I used to think only kids could be bullies. I'm realizing that adults can be bullies, too.
Even though I wish I had the answer to everything, I don't. (And that's okay.)

memo to the world

2011-10-05T07:41:00.001-07:00

You know what, world? I don't need you to like me.

I almost said "I don't care what you think of me," but that's not entirely true. I do care, but I wish I didn't. And what I really mean is "It doesn't matter what you think of me." I do care, but I shouldn't. Because it doesn't matter.

I don't mean that what you think doesn't matter. Of course it matters. Because you matter! Your thoughts, your words, the things you say and do--they all matter. But what you think of me--whether you like me, don't like me, think I'm stupid, think I'm a dork--those things don't change who I am. And that's what I wanted to say, because it's been weighing me down for awhile.

So world, no offense here, but I don't need you to like me. After thirty years of life, I think I'm maybe starting to realize something: not everyone is going to like me. You might like me, you might not. I've spent a good part of these thirty years under the assumption that, if you don't like me, I must have done something wrong. Something I need to fix or make up for. So I try to win you over; prove to you that I am likeable, if only you'd take the time to really get to know me.

Oh world, I am embarrassed to admit this now, but this has been such a giant a waste of time! I've spent so much energy trying to prove something to you--that I am valuable. But you know what? In doing this, I've been saying something kind of profound: "If you don't like me, I'm not valuable." Wow! Where'd that come from? Again, no offense, but how do you get to determine whether or not I'm valuable? Who gave you that kind of power?

Well, I guess I did.

So, I'm sorry about this, but I'm taking that back. That's not something that's up to you to determine--whether or not I'm valuable. But you know what? The opposite is also true (and this is the good news!)--your value isn't determined by me or by anyone else, either. Isn't that fabulous news?

So anyway, I feel better getting that off my chest. And you know what the ironic thing here is, world? Now that I don't need you to like me, I think we can actually get along much better. Because we can just be free to be ourselves without having all these issues making things all weird and needy.

So thanks for listening, and I hope you have a fabulous day :)

What was that mom used to say?

2011-08-23T11:54:00.001-07:00

Some days, when you don't have something nice to say, you should just shut it.

Sigh.

Eeyore

2011-08-16T13:05:00.001-07:00

I have lots on my mind lately, but nothing I've been eager to barf out onto the blog-o-sphere, so here will be a popcorn-ish update:

--Weight Watchers: Still going well, but last week was kind of a downer. I gained a little, even though I had had a very "by the book" week. So that was discouraging, and this week I am struggling with my motivation. But I'm still committed to writing everything down and taking it a day at a time, so we'll see how this Saturday goes.

--I have been keeping up with this blog since I heard about Colleen and Brett's loss. It has me very, very, very sad. I knew Brett in college (and knew Colleen a little), and their story is just heartwrenching. Colleen has a very soft and honest way of communicating what this has been like for them, and I think that has made their story hit home closer than I'd expected it to. Prayers for them are appreciated.

--I feel like a melancholy cloud has been hovering over me since the weekend, and I don't like it. I don't really want to wallow in it publicly (so I'll keep this post short), but it is what it is. Some of it is related to circumstances, some of it...oh, who knows. Blah blah frickin blah. The weather has been cooler, which you'd think would be a relief after the blazing hot summer we've had. But for some reason, I think it's making me think of fall and winter's inevitable arrival, and I keep thinking "It's halfway through August! It's too soon for this!" So yes, it's in the 70s and sunny and beautiful and I should NOT be complaining, but I think this sudden need for a jacket after dark is adding to my mopiness.

Okay, enough gloomy gus. See, this is probably why I don't blog more!

Again, with the Weight Watchers? What do you think this is, a diet blog?

2011-07-16T16:01:00.000-07:00

(In my head I said that subject line like a Jewish grandmother. Not sure why.)

No, this will not become a diet blog. At least, I hope not.

Anyway, two weeks in and I am down 1.8 lbs. I was surprised and happy to find that out, considering last weekend was Craig's family reunion (aka 2-day foodfest), Monday we went out for nachos and wings for dinner, Wednesday we had Raising Canes, Thursday I got Graeter's, and...well, let's just say I was happy to see the big number go down. And two of my pairs of go-to pants now want to fall off when I walk (seems ridiculous after losing such a small amount of weight, but once again, I will just be happy and not question it).

the blog about weight loss

2011-07-07T15:17:00.000-07:00

So, I just read something that says you should use an image or video every time you blog. I am apparently behind the times with this stuff.

It is time--I am finally back on the Weight Watchers wagon. I began Weight Watchers about 4 1/2 years ago, but I haven't really been hard core for 3 years or so. My first attempt was a success—I reached my goal and became a lifetime member, but when I changed jobs in 2008, I slowly began to lose my weight-management mojo. My previous workplace participated in the “Weight Watchers at work” program (super convenient, and you got a built-in team of moral support with fellow coworkers), and it was great. The leader was fantastic, I knew and worked with many of the people in the class, and it really helped me get excited and stay motivated to live healthier.

The at-work program at the new job, however…well, let’s just say that leader was a little less fantastic, and the group enthusiasm was…well, it sucked. (So much, in fact, that the class ceased to exist shortly after that because they could not recruit enough members to keep it going. Pitiful when you’re talking about 20 people in a place where over 1500 people work, but I digress). So anyway, I was less than pumped up by the lackluster vibe in that class, and while I remained half-assedly committed for the next year or so, that was the beginning of a slow downhill slide in my weight management/healthy living story. I’ve had a few short “that’s it, I’m going back” spurts here and there in the past couple years, but nothing like the enthusiasm I had at the beginning, and in the meantime I’ve gained 10-15 lbs (not terrible for a 3-year span and not insurmountable, but it’s a number that I don’t want to get any bigger. Kind of like my ass).

Then a couple months ago, a friend and I were talking about dieting, and she was saying she wanted to lose some weight, and I mentioned that I had done Weight Watchers (at some point I began talking about it in the past tense, apparently) and that I really liked the program and had success with it. A few weeks ago, she told me that she had started the program and was going to a meeting right down the street from where I live. Score! If I’ve learned anything during this process, it’s that staying on track is much much much easier when you have the moral support of a friend. Doing it “on your own” (without a buddy and without going to meetings) is 100x harder. Excited for her and wanting to support her (and seeing an opportunity to help myself), I told her I’d come with her.

So, that’s about it. I’m back, and I’m adjusting to the new “PointsPlus®” system (if you’ve ever done Weight Watchers but haven’t been back for awhile, the new system is totally different. Overwhelming at first, but now that I’m adjusting to it, I think I like it better).

I never meant for this to be a plug for Weight Watchers (I had just been thinking about how it took me 20 minutes to make a sandwich [pulling out the calculator with every ingredient, re-evaluating my condiment options when I realized the Miracle Whip was expired, getting WAY too excited when I realized the lunch meat was only 1 point per serving instead of 2—you know, super dorky stuff like that] and thought I’d vent about the highs and lows of trying to do this again). But since it sort of has turned into one, I’ll just add that I really am a fan of this program. It is the only “diet” program I’ve ever done, but I’ve heard enough stories about the other ones out there to be confident that Weight Watchers is the real deal. It’s affordable, you don’t have to buy a bunch of extra crap (special bars, meals, or food scales), you basically can still have all your favorite things (in moderation), and it really teaches you how to make healthy eating (and living) a lifestyle change, and not just a phase you suffer through to shed some pounds before going back to enjoying your life again. It’s the most realistic weight loss program I’ve heard of (as far as it fitting into “real life” and giving you realistic expectations of yourself) Another thing I love is that it supports you for the long haul. Since I became a lifetime member, meetings and materials have been completely free (as long as I'm within 2 lbs of my goal. But even now when I'm above my goal, I only have to pay once a month, rather than once a week, until I get back down), so I’m able to get the support I need to stick with it long-term (not that I’ve always taken advantage of that, but it’s nice to know that it’s there when I’ve decided that I’m ready again).

Anyway. Sorry if you’re totally bored by all this stuff, but it does get me excited. I figure if you’re still reading by now (or if you didn't turn back when you read the title of this post), you’re probably somewhere on this journey too—I know the only time I actually care about reading other people’s weight loss stories is when I’m in that mindset myself. If that's the case, feel free to comment and share your own happy or woeful stories :)

prayer

2011-06-21T05:31:00.001-07:00

Tonight is our monthly prayer meeting with our group of friends. Is it a coincidence that I visited my friend Amy's blog this morning and read this? Probably not.

I have been doing some praying and waiting of my own lately, about a few different circumstances, and waiting is hard. I have been losing patience and giving in to feelings of sadness and helplessness, and Amy's reminder that God hears us was like a heavy seed sinking into my heart. I closed my eyes and reflected on that for a moment. God hears us. God hears us. God. Hears us. Hears me.

And that brought to mind a memory verse I learned years ago (I had to look up where exactly it is found in the Bible, but I had memorized it in a sing-songy rhythm that brought back every word in my mind):

"This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us--whatever we ask--we know that we have what we ask of him." - 1 John 3:14-15

I know that prayer is not a formula for getting everything I want. God is personal, he is relational, and following him is more like following a person than following a recipe or a list or a math problem. We don't always (or even often) know the end result. And I can get so focused on the end results of things that I miss this point: that God hears me. That he loves me. That he has a will, he knows the future and the end result, and he has all the power and control that I grieve over not having. So in all my limitedness and powerlessness, I can rest in God's nearness and His very real, very close and loving concern for me.

So often we weep and rail and rage and demand answers. But often (usually?) God's response to me is not an answer but a relationship. We want facts, He offers us Himself. And man, that really is so much better anyway.

flip-flops!

2011-05-21T08:21:00.000-07:00

Funny (to me, anyway) conversation that occurred last night between me and the husband:

Context: I was sharing my excitement about today's Old Navy $1 flip-flop sale (limit 5), while also impressing him with my thrifty fashion sense*

Me: "I could spend $5 and have flip-flops in every color of the rainbow!"
Him: "There are more than five colors in the rainbow."
Me: "No, but I already have some! I have red and brown and..."
Him: "Brown is not a color of the rainbow."
Me: "......"

-----------------------------------------

*Note: The thrift, more so than the fashion sense, is the real source of my pride.

another song

2011-05-02T09:54:00.001-07:00

I think these songs that have been resonating with me recently are a lyrical expression of a progression in my emotional life. At least, I hope so.

(by Sara Groves)

Spending my time sleepwalking

Moving my mouth but not saying a thing

Hoping the changes would take by working their way

From the outside in

I was in love with an idea

Preoccupied with how life should appear

Spending my time at the surface, preparing the halls

In a shiny veneer

There's so many ways to hide

There's so many ways not to feel

There's so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life

And I'm standing here taking it in, and it sure looks bright

I'm going to live my life inspired,

Look for the holy in the commonplace

Open the windows and feel all that's honest and real

Until I'm truly amazed

And I'm going to feel all my emotions

I'm going to look you in the eyes

I'm going to listen and hear until it's finally clear

And it changes our lives

There's so many ways to hide

There's so many ways not to feel

There's so many ways to deny what is real

And I just showed up for my own life

And I'm standing here taking it in, and it sure looks bright

Oh, the glory of God is man fully alive

Many the Miles

2011-04-26T12:25:00.001-07:00

(by Sara Bareilles)

There's too many things I haven't done yet

There's too many sunsets I haven't seen

I can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down

You woulda thought by now I'da learned something

I made up my mind when I was a young girl,

I've been given this one world, I won't worry it away, no

Now and again I lose sight of the good life

I get stuck in a low light, then love comes in

How far do I have to go to get to you?

Many the miles, many the miles

How far do I have to go to get to you?

Many the miles, send me the miles,

And I'll be happy to

Follow you, love

I do what I can wherever I end up

To keep giving my good love and spreading it around

Cuz I've my fair share of "take care" and "goodbye"s

I've learned how to cry, and I'm better for that

How far do I have to go to get to you?

Many the miles, many the miles

How far do I have to go to get to you?

Many the miles, send me the miles,

And I'll be happy to

Follow you, love

Red letter day, I'm in a blue mood

Wishing that blue would just carry me away

I've been talking to God, don't know if it's helping or not,

But surely something has got to, got to, got to give

Cuz I can't keep waiting to live

How far do I have to go to get to you?

Many the miles, many the miles

How far do I have to go to get to you?

Many the miles, send me the miles,

And I'll be happy to

Follow you, love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjL2KbnCv60

restless

2011-04-06T14:20:00.000-07:00

I'm antsy today. So I figured I'd blog. This will be a bullet-list of miscellaneous thoughts.

Election talk has officially started. I read a comment on a friend-of-a-friend's blog today, and it got me all prickly inside. I have a love/hate relationship with election season. I think it's because I have strong opinions but hate conflict (bad combination). So that means that whenever someone expresses a political opinion that rubs me the wrong way, I keep quiet but seethe inside. And then blog about it. Haha.

I was just flipping through my iPod (on shuffle, skipping around until something good came up), and I had to laugh when "Leave" by Glen Hansard appeared, immediately followed by "Stay" by Jeremy Camp. Stuff like that amuses me.

Speaking of music...I know I'm going to sound like a crotchety old fart when I say this, but I have been a little disturbed lately by the messages I've been hearing in popular music lately. I like top 40 music, especially stuff that is catchy and has a good beat, but I really don't like having Rihanna's S&M song stuck in my head for days on end. I'm just sayin. And I used to think Ke$ha (aka "K-e-dollar-sign-HA," as the principal in Glee calls her) was upbeat and fun, but with each new song of hers that comes out, the more it bugs me how much of what she sings about is just dirty. Makes me glad not to be the parent of a teenager right now. (I know, I know, crotchety old fart. I warned you.)

Okay, that's all I got right now.

today I am thankful for

2011-02-23T07:14:00.001-08:00

-naps that refresh when I really need it

-flexible work schedules

-friends who listen and pray for me

-spring being right around the corner (winter storm or no winter storm--the end of this is in sight, I know it!)

-moments of clarity

-work friends coming back from maternity leave

-seeing the sun on the drive to work

-baby cheeks

-fuzzy kitties

I wish

2010-12-15T07:01:00.001-08:00

I'm digging this song lately. It just speaks to me about the desire to be free of all the fears and anxieties and insecurities that hold us back, and I can relate to that. Plus, Sara Bareilles is just awesome.

Let the Rain - Sara Bareilles

I wish I were pretty

I wish I were brave

If I owned this city,

Then I'd make it behave

And if I were fearless,

Then I'd speak my truth

And the world would hear this

That's what I wish I'd do

If my hands could hold them, you'd see

I'd take all these secrets in me

And I'd move and mold them to be

Something I'd set free

I want to darken in the skies, open the floodgates up

I want to change my mind, I want to be enough

I want the water in my eyes, I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down, make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down

Let the rain come down, make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down tonight

I hold onto worry so tight

It's safe in here, right next to my heart

Who now shouts at the top of her voice,

"Let me go, let me out, this is not my choice!"

I've always felt it before,

That the world was filled with much more

Than the drowning soul I've learned to be

I just need the rain to remind me

I want to darken in the skies, open the floodgates up

I want to change my mind, I want to be enough

I want the water in my eyes, I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down, make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down

Let the rain come down, make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down tonight

the times, they are a-changin'

2010-11-15T07:31:00.001-08:00

It's fall. The leaves will be gone soon, and these Ohio days in the 50s and 60s will not last forever. So what's been new lately?

Let's see...I have been sick with some form of upper respiratory thing since the beginning of October. It was bad for a month, then I thought I was getting better, but now the crud seems to be creeping back. I do not want to go to the doctor because I'm afraid they're going to give me a third round of antibiotics, and I am not a fan of taking antibiotics in large quantities. We'll see how long I can live on Sudafed and Mucinex.

A couple weeks ago, I was in my first car accident (well, "first" if you don't count the time seven years ago when I accidentally backed into a woman in my apartment parking lot [I don't]). It was a traumatic experience, and I am just glad it's over. Our car was totaled, though, and I am sad about that. So after a stressful week of car shopping and dealing with insurance companies, I believe the mess is behind us and we can move on. Car shopping is a nightmare, by the way. You think it's going to be fun--all, "ooh yay, we get to look for another car! New things are always fun!"--but after days of scanning Craigs List, talking to strangers, and browsing at sleazy used-car dealerships, the sparkle is gone and you're ready to buy the next piece of junk jalopy that is paraded in front of you because you just want it to be OVER, for the love of sweet Jesus. (We ended up with a CRV that is actually nice, but we were at our wits' end at that point, and we probably would have driven home in anything that ran.)

My family Christmas is in 13 days. This is the second year we have celebrated "Thanksmas," the two-in-one holiday mega-bash. Last year, it was because my brother was leaving for Navy boot camp in December, and this year it's because he is graduating from sub school and will be moving to Washington state next month, so this is our opportunity to see him, his wife, and my little nephew. I'm looking forward to seeing my family, and the early jump on Christmas shopping (before the stores become unbearable) makes me happy.

Ummm....so, I think that's it. My uber-interesting life out there on the Internet for everyone to see and yawn about. Happy Ides of November, everyone.

stinky no more

2010-10-29T08:33:00.000-07:00

My husband just replaced our garbage disposal. I am proud of him.

Our old one was intermittently stinky, and recently it had started to leak.

It was time.

Good job, husband. Your handiwork saves us hundreds of dollars every year, and I'm thankful that you know how to do these things (or if you don't, that you figure it out). You rock.

Hello?

2010-10-26T08:10:00.001-07:00

Does anyone read this blog anymore? I fear I may have lost my readers with all the blog address/identity changes over the years, like how one loses a pursuer by making sharp turns down alleys and jumping fences. (You know, like in the movies. Think Bourne Identity.)

I never meant to lose you, readers! My blog-dentity has just been wandering aimlessly and trying to find its way, not trying to shake anyone following it. I hope some of you are still out there.

Wha? Where'd this decade go?

2010-10-20T12:03:00.001-07:00

I turn 30 today.

Holy crap.

That's all I have to say about that right now.

pretty bird

2010-10-15T10:24:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was driving home from the grocery store and a guy in a black Jeep flipped me off. I truly think he was in the wrong (however, I won't tell you what I did to get flipped off because you might take his side, and I am enjoying feeling right).

The whole experience was kind of funny to me, and the part that surprises me is that I didn't get too upset when I saw his big, knuckly finger in my rear-view mirror. I got a little fired up/indignant, but not the "I'm gonna cry" kind of feeling that a friend once described after her first birdy experience. When I got home and told Craig what had happened, he said (with sarcasm) "That's gotta make you feel good." and I said, "Actually, it kind of did. I felt self-righteously good."

I don't know. Maybe that doesn't make sense to you without knowing the series of traffic events, but I guess in a nutshell I will say that the guy was driving like a punk bully, and I stuck up for myself (in a vehicular fashion) and it pissed the guy off. So maybe I felt proud of myself. Maybe I felt safe and anonymous in the car and therefore more prone to confrontation than I am in "real" life.

And maybe this is a dumb story, now that I think about it, but I think I'm going to post it anyway. Because it feels good to stick up for yourself, even if it's just against jackass drivers in black Jeeps.

the Giver eternally

2010-10-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

"It is a grief to the heart of God when we try to provide things for him. He is so very, very rich. It gives him true joy when we just let him give and give and give again to us. It is a grief to him, too, when we try to do things for him, for he is so very, very able. He longs that we will just let him do and do and do. He wants to be the Giver eternally, and he wants to be the Doer eternally. If only we saw how rich and how great he is, we would leave all the giving and all the doing to him."

-Watchman Nee, Sit, Walk, Stand

Day 16--a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

2010-09-20T06:35:00.001-07:00

I don't know if I'll do anywhere near all of these "Day X" posts, but we are having technical difficulties at work right now, and I literally have nothing else to do while I wait for things to get back up and running.

Okay, I initially was going to talk about "You're My Home" by Billy Joel, and how it makes me think of my husband, but then I started typing out the lyrics and realized some of the lines are a bit PG-rated and might be interpreted as TMI (not what I was going for). So, here's another song that gets me teary-eyed and also makes me think of my marriage. I think it's a beautiful picture of a relationship where you know someone completely and are fully known by them. I love the way she redefines "happy" in the context of a marriage in which two people have gone through some hard things together, yet there is a depth there now that is so much better than the superficial "happy" that some people settle for. The type of transparancy she describes here can be scary, so I find this song both challenging and inspiring, and it makes me thankful for my husband and the marriage we have fought for over the past seven years.

Different Kinds of Happy (by Sara Groves)

Go on and ask me anything. What do you need to know?

I'm not holding on to anything I'm not willing to let go of To be free, to be free

I've got to ask you something, but please don't be afraid

There's a promise here thats heavier than your answer might weigh

Baby it's me, it's me

It's a sweet, sweet thing

Standing here with you and nothing to hide

Light shining down to our very insides

Sharing our secrets, baring our souls,
Helping each other come clean

Secrets and cyphers, there's no good way to hide

There's redemption in confession and freedom in the light

I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid

It's a sweet, sweet thing

Standing here with you and nothing to hide

Light shining down to our very insides

Sharing our secrets, baring our souls,
Helping each other come clean

Better than our promises

Is the day we got to keep them

I wish those two could see us now,

They never would believe how there are different kinds of happy

Different kinds of happy

There are different kinds of happy

Different kinds of happy

It's a sweet, sweet thing

Standing here with you and nothing to hide

Light shining down to our very insides

Sharing our secrets, baring our souls,
Helping each other come clean

restless

2010-09-08T06:14:00.001-07:00

"In the way of righteousness there is life..." - Proverbs 12:28

God's way is the way of life and good things. That was the topic of discussion at last night's women's Bible study (we are studying the book of Proverbs).

Fitting, considering lately I have been struggling with some discontentment.

One of the verses we read last night had a marginal note in our study book (wish I could remember the actual verse and note--sorry) that expounded on the idea that pursuing God and God's best in our lives leads to joy, satisfaction, fulfillment, etc.

Like Saint Augustine prayed, I want to look to God alone for the satisfaction my heart desires. I am free to look elsewhere, but I won't find it anywhere else.

"Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee." - Augustine

Day 12--being "OCD"

2010-08-11T07:43:00.001-07:00

Today I'm going to pretend it's Day 12 and post on "Something I am OCD about":

First, I'd like to comment on the idea of "being OCD" about something. Didn't OCD used to be a diagnosable disorder, not a state of mind? I find it amusing how flippantly we all talk about being OCD all of a sudden. I don't think this used to be the case.

Also, I find it kind of funny that this list-game-thing assumes we all have something that we are "OCD" about (I think I'll use quotes to differentiate between being actually OCD and just being anal retentive).

Lastly, I'm sure I am "OCD" about many things. There are lots of things I get weird about. I have even joked that I might be partly autistic (or I guess I should say "autistic"--no disrespect intended to those who are actually autistic). I can get really focused and obsessive about things that no one else cares about. But I will throw this out there: if you happen to know my mother, you will (or should) agree that I'm not so bad.

Now for one actual thing I am OCD about: When I sneeze or blow my nose at work, I use hand santizer afterward. Every time. Even if I sneeze into my elbow or a tissue, and even if it's just allergies (a common thing this allergy season. It's been a bad one). I should add that I have my own office with a door, and that I'm the only one who touches anything in here. Also, I used to wipe down everything in my office pretty regularly with a Clorox wipe, until the wipes ran out and I've been too lazy to get more. I guess one can't be truly "OCD" and be lazy at the same time.

Monday, and I'm blogging!

2010-08-09T06:10:00.001-07:00

I'm sitting here drinking a Juicy Juice, and I decided to blog. No, there's probably not a connection there.

Sidenote: I do not have kids, but I enjoy juice boxes. Another childish enjoyment: silly bands. However, why I don't think this is creepy: the Juicy Juice came into my possession by accident (left in my cooler at a reunion picnic a couple weeks ago), and the one silly band I own was given to me by a friend with kids. I have resisted the urge to trade it with friends' kids (it is a princess crown, and I want to keep it).

I saw this on my friend Sarah's blog, and I'm stealing it. You're supposed to post every day for 30 days on the list of topics below. I'll attempt to do this for the next 30 calendar days, but I doubt I'll do it every day. And I'll probably pick and choose from the list, and probably out of order. So this is not just stolen, but also modified to suit my preferences.

Day 1 - your favorite song

Day 2 - your favorite movie

Day 3 - your favorite television program

Day 4 - your favorite book

Day 5 - your favorite quote

Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things

Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy

Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad

Day 9 - a photo you took

Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you

Day 11 - a photo of you recently

Day 12 - something you are OCD about

Day 13 - a fictional book

Day 14 - a non-fictional book

Day 15 - your dream house

Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)

Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding

Day 19 - a talent of yours

Day 20 - a hobby of yours

Day 21 - a recipe

Day 22 - a website

Day 23 - a youtube video

Day 24 - where you live

Day 25 - your day, in great detail

Day 26 - your week, in great detail

Day 27 - your worst habit

Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse

Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days

Day 30 - a dream for the future

And because I've already wasted enough time blogging for now, I'll save my first "favorite" post for another day.

hope

2010-06-21T12:32:00.001-07:00

So, since that last blog post was a little melancholy sounding, I feel the need to post a followup. I'm feeling better now :) Maybe because it's now 3:30 in the afternoon instead of in the morning. Either way, God has been giving me His perspective about some things lately, which always makes me feel a lot more hopeful and a lot more sane. (Sidenote: I have a friend who always uses the word "sane" in reference to God, His word, the truth, etc. I don't think there's a better word for it--when I'm relying on myself, my wisdom, my understanding, things quickly feel cloudy and confusing, and my thoughts can get a little nutty. God's truth, His wisdom, and His perspective are sanity and they are clarity, and boy I need that. A constant IV drip of that sanity.)

I've been reading some things lately that have been part of that IV drip--one being Proverbs, another being a book called The Bookends of the Christian Life (by Jerry Bridges and Bob Bevington). Here are a couple little nuggets that have been helpful to me lately:

"Do not be wise in your own eyes;

fear the LORD and shun evil.

This will bring health to your body

and nourishment to your bones." - Prov 3:7-8

Man, I do love feeling wise in my own eyes! But Proverbs (which I'm studying with some girlfriends right now) has been teaching me the value of learning to love God's wisdom and to be suspicious of my own.

This next one is from the Bookends book, which I highly recommend. This blurb is from the first chapter, "The Righteousness of Christ" (which is the first "bookend" that the book discusses. The other bookened is "The power of the Holy Spirit", and the idea is that these are the two things that hold our Christian lives together):

"We must learn to live like the apostle Paul, looking every day outside ourselves to Christ and seeing ourselves standing before God clothed in his perfect righteousness. Every day we must re-acknowledge the fact that there's nothing we can do to make ourselves either more acceptable to God or less acceptable. Regardless of how much we grow in our Christian lives, we're accepted for Christ's sake or not accepted at all. It's this reliance on Christ alone, apart from any consideration of our good or bad deeds, that enables us to experience the daily reality of the first bookend, in which the believer finds peace and joy and comfort and gratitude."

Good stuff.

Maybe I'll start blogging more...

2010-06-12T01:04:00.000-07:00

...but probably not.

So, it's late. Or, early. Either way, I should be sleeping. But I woke up to pee and couldn't get back to sleep (HATE when that happens). And then my stomach started hurting pretty badly, so I decided to get up for awhile (since the last time that happened, it was the beginnings of a 24-hour pukefest flu party, and I wanted to be close to a bathroom if we were about to enjoy the sequel to that little number...)

Yeah, that was probably TMI. But hey, it's 4 am and my inner editor is asleep.

Here are some random things on my mind:

When I feel hurt, I often have a very nasty/mean reaction. Luckily (for you, anyway) it doesn't usually come blasting out at the other person (sometimes it does indirectly, but even that I try to have some control over. Because, yeah, even passive-aggressiveness is pretty uncool). On a probably not-unrelated note, I still have a stomachache. And have been lying awake for the past 45 minutes thinking of things I'd like to say to someone if I lived in the type of world where I could really let them have it without having any consequences (such as hurting their feelings or damaging our relationship).

On a probably not-unrelated note, it occurred to me today that I think I have some anger issues. Stuffed-down, unhealthy anger issues (but anger issues nonetheless).

On a definitely unrelated note....whoa, how about that oil spill, eh? It's really bad. I mean, REALLY bad. Man.

I feel like my relationship with God needs a tune-up. While on one hand, I feel like that's something I shouldn't admit "out loud," another part of me knows (knows!) that 99% of other Christians probably feel the same way. And the other 1% are in denial.

I read something during my middle-of-the-night Web perusal that inspired me and gave me hope (and a practical step to take) for helping with that last bullet.

Okay, and I just heard a scary noise, so time to get off the computer and turn on some lights. WTH, I really need to go to sleep.

sick of being sick

2010-05-13T11:05:00.001-07:00

So, we're going on vacation in a few days, and I can't help but feel like the odds of it being fun are being stacked against me.

A couple weeks ago, I noticed my throat was scratchy. Because pollen counts seem to be reaching record highs this spring, I blew it off. Then it became a sore throat. Then it became a sore throat with a weird wheezing/congested feeling in my chest. I made sure to drink lots of fluids and get plenty of sleep, and within a couple days, the sore throat went away. But the chest weirdness never quite did, and my throat was still scratchy. By the middle of last week, the chest pain/weirdness had gotten annoyingly bad, so I finally called the doctor. (It occurred to me that I didn't want to be sick on vacation, so if this was something more than allergies, I should probably get it taken care of.) Turns out, I had bronchitis. Nice.

Now, I hate taking antibiotics, but I filled and took my Z-pack like a good girl, again making sure to get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids (by then, I was really feeling pretty crappy). I slowly start feeling better. Well, then earlier this week, I started noticing some symptoms that led me to believe that taking the antibiotics had made me sick in a different way. (I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that it's something that plagues women from time to time, especially if you're taking antibiotics and not eating enough yogurt.) Soooooo I called the doctor's office and asked for a prescription for this new problem (which they thankfully called in. I was really not in the mood to have to take time away from work AGAIN and pay an office visit copay AGAIN). The remedy came in a handy-dandy little pill, which made me very happy. Until it made me feel nauseated and miserable. (Note to self: super-convenient little pills can apparently have nasty side effects) At this point (yesterday), I just wanted to cry, "I just want to feel BETTER in time for vacation!" Oh, and also yesterday I found out that one of my coworkers (who had driven a bunch of us to lunch the day before, and I had sat next to her in her car and at the restaurant) has the stomach flu. She's a lovely person, but I think I might have said out loud, "If she gets me sick, I might kill her."

Oh, and I also checked the forecast for the city where we will be staying next week, and this is what the first three days look like:

Sun
May 16

Scattered T-Storms

Mon
May 17

Scattered T-Storms

Tue
May 18

Few Showers

Although, on the bright side, the 10-day forecast a few days ago showed that weather happening all week next week, but now Wednesday and Thursday are supposed to be sunny. So maybe things ARE looking up after all.

Dear blog, please forgive me for neglecting you

2010-05-02T16:11:00.001-07:00

Why do I feel a twinge of guilt when I think about writing in here? (Or think about NOT writing in here, which is what I spend more time doing. Uh, not doing. Whatever.)

I am a writer. I do believe this is true, even when I'm not writing. I wish I were writing more, but that's another subject. Blogging is an entirely different animal. I'm not so sure anymore that I am a blogger.

The whole putting-my-life-out-there-on-the-Internet-for-anyone-to-read thing has become more unsettling over the past few years. I used to barf it all out there without a second thought, but time and circumstances have made me more cautious. So that's one reason for my blogdentity crisis.

So I changed blogs and tried only posting casual, daily stuff. Less hey-here's-my-deepest-thoughts-and-feelings type of stuff.

And that's when I really stopped blogging. Maybe I just can't do this kind of blog. And really, nothing against those types of blogs--my friends write them, I love reading them, but I just can't seem to write them about my own life. Maybe (probably) because I overanalyze everything. I'm an overthinker and an overcomplicator, and that doesn't fit well with casual blogging. Maybe.

So now instead of blogging about my pensive thoughts or blogging about my daily life, I've been blogging about blogging. How lame is that?

So forgive the identity crisis of this space. I think that's why I have kept the "Under Construction" banner up--this blog is still in process, still deciding what it wants to be (hell, IF it wants to be).

So, like the construction signs you see up in grocery stores or other places of business, I would like to thank you for your patience as you pardon the dust and mess. I hope there are at least a few of you still reading. Thank you for stepping over the yellow tape and stopping by in spite of the disasterishness of this area.

Spring is here!

2010-03-21T19:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day of spring! After a deadly awful winter, I couldn't be happier to see spring make its official entrance.

What's been new the past few months? Let's do a bullet list...

Craig had nasal surgery last Wednesday. Got to stay home for a few days and take care of him. It was nice.

Dealing with cat drama. Cosette still hates Oskar's guts, and all the anti-anxiety pills seem to do is make her getaway sprint a little slower. Sigh.

Plans were made, plans were busted. We wanted to use our vacation time this year to go on a short-term mission trip with our church, but that fell through with some miscommunications and missed deadlines. Whoops.

Instead, we are taking a vacation with some friends and their kids. Very much looking forward to that.

Still recovering from the Great Winter Funk. Starting to hate Ohio between Christmas and now. The thought of moving is tempting, but we have too much other good stuff here at the moment. I need to remind myself of all those good things when the winter gets so gray and cold and dark that I want to kill myself.

Okay, bedtime. This time off from work has gotten me a little too used to staying up past midnight. Tomorrow, it's back to the real world.

Blogging takes time I just don't want to give it

2010-01-24T14:46:00.001-08:00

I just don't have time for this these days.

Facebook, you and your status updates have made blogging (writing a bonafide long, thought-out post) feel like a daunting task. Damn you and your convenient, 140-character-limit, tiny-box-to-type-in accessibility. You are killing the blogger within me (and I don't even really mind).

Anyway, the Big Thing on my heart lately is money. How to use it wisely, how not to let it rule my life and my pursuits. How to keep it in its proper place. Simple living is the theme of the day, and I just have to say that I get excited thinking about how to trim the fat, be more creative and relational and less impulsive and self-medicating in the way I spend my time and resources. It's sad, but my default setting just runs to entertainment and activities (often the kinds that cost money) when I'm bored or looking for a way to unwind. And I'm coming to the conclusion that, not only is this is not really refreshing (in the "ahhhh" sense that my soul craves when it feels stretched too thin and in need of a break), but it's not even good for me. On a lot of levels.

But anyway, getting into all those thoughts would turn this into the long blog that I just don't feel like writing, so that's about all I'm going to say about that.

Several things prompted these thoughts, but the prominent one is the husband's current work situation. The company he works for is in the process of being bought out by its major market competitor (I'm not naming names or anything, but there was a big press release the other day, so it's not exactly a secret). No one knows yet whether it will happen, or if it does, when or if or how it will affect his current position, but needless to say it has gotten us thinking about lots of things. What we really want our lives to be characterized by. What will truly make us happy. How to continue being generous with the resources we have (especially in light of the Haiti disaster and countless other cases of serious poverty and real need around the world. Or right here in our city.). This unexpected new circumstance was a jolt to us, but in a good way. I feel like it has already brought us closer and lit a bright floodlight in both of our hearts, exposing the false gods we trust in for security, comfort, and meaning. Challenging those false securities and driving us to recommit to trusting the true God for those things, which He has always offered us and faithfully given us, in times of plenty and in times of need.

It feels good. It's an invigorating place to be. God, let us never become soft or greedy for more in a world where the treasures are so temporary. Let us never forget that everything we have has been given to us by You, and we are only stewards. Let us continue to hold loosely to all that is temporal and hold fast to what is eternal. Let us live simply, give generously, and trust You completely.

thankful!

2009-12-04T07:01:00.001-08:00

I know this is late for the thanksgiving-themed posts, but I just have to say that I am thankful for my awesome boss. I have not always had good bosses in the past (and I'm sure I'll have crappy ones again in the future), as I'm sure everyone can relate to. However, my current job is wonderful in many respects, one of them being that I'm blessed to have a boss who

-listens to her employees

-isn't a company robot (spouting the corporate line with a glassy-eyed, inhuman gaze that says "I've forgotten what it's like to be a real person")

-understands that her people have families and lives that often have to take priority over their jobs

-is known as "the best one" of the group of managers here

-somehow has mastered the mystical balance between being good at the functional day-to-day operations as well as being good at managing the people under her (most bosses are good at either one or the other; it's rare to find one who does both well)

-is just a nice person.

So yeah. In the current economic climate of joblessness and financial uncertainty, I am grateful every day that I have a job to go to at all--the other added bonuses of working here are ones I don't want to take for granted, either.

proverbs 19:11

2009-11-25T06:08:00.001-08:00

"A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."

Working on this. Well, apparently God is working on this in my heart.

on the sewing rebound (and hoping this latest love will last forever)

2009-11-18T10:19:00.001-08:00

I should probably be working but I was just catching up on some of my blog reading and decided it was time for an update of my own.

Lately my life has been a bit consumed with sewing. At a friend's invitation, I decided to "go public" with my pillow-embroidery skills and do a couple of craft shows to see if my wares would sell. So far, the shows themselves have not been too profitable, but the effort I put into organizing an order-taking system for the pillows has been. So, while the majority of my paying customers are still friends, and while I still have several gift pillows to make right now (Christmas is coming, you know) in the midst of all the paying orders, I feel rejuvenated and encouraged about how this little "business" is going (in quotes because...well...don't tell the IRS).

However, in the midst of all the excitement and busyness, I suddenly (a couple weeks ago) found myself needing a new sewing machine. The one I'd been using was only three years old, and the time I bought it I really thought I was getting a good brand that would last me for the long haul (It's a Huskystar--the more affordable line from Husqvarna/Viking--a trusted brand), it nevertheless has been jamming and skipping and behaving demonically a bit too much for my tastes lately. I think anyone who sews knows that sewing machines just act that way sometimes for no apparent reason. Usually they get over it and start working right again, but this time I'd had enough. One night, I spent hours just trying to use a zig-zag stitch to attach a "Buckeyes"-embroidered piece of fabric onto another piece of fabric (a task that should take five minutes on a good day), and by the third time I had to rip out the stitches because Husky-Beelzebub-Star insisted on eating the fleece and snapping the thread, I was done. I turned it off that night and swore that our three-year relationship of love and heartache was through. I now had actual work to do, with actual deadlines, and Husky could no longer be trusted. I needed a machine I could rely on, so it was time to get back into the sewing-machine dating game.

The first place I looked was JoAnn's, which is where I'd purchased my Husky, and I knew they sold quality machines there. In fact, a friend of mine had just bought a machine there a year ago and paid about the same price that I paid for Husky three years ago, and I'd been drooling over her machine ever since I first saw it. So, my point is, I had high hopes for the JoAnn's trip. I had a price in mind that I didn't want to exceed, but I thought my budget was more than reasonable, given my past experience and my friend's experience.

Wrong.

I should have known there was trouble when I was in line at the cutting counter, and my husband (yes, he came to JoAnn's with me--bless his heart) came over to me and muttered that there were sewing machines for sale that cost as much as our Corolla. (Granted, we buy used cars, and Mary Jo Corolla was 13 years old when we got her, but still) But in my heart, I was still starry-eyed and naive, picturing myself sitting in front of a lovely new machine, cranking out a perfect assembly line of pillows that would brighten the lives of children everywhere. Sure, there are Cadillac machines for sale--the ones that download embroidery patterns from the Internet and practically run themselves like a player piano--but I just wanted something simple and practical. Surely they had those for sale, too.

Wrong.

After finishing at the cutting counter and going over to browse the sewing machines, my first reaction was confusion. The cheapest machine was $330? On sale? Must be a mistake. Maybe all the cheaper machines were in another place in the store or something. So I asked the woman sitting behind a table (whom I'd assumed was an impartial JoAnn's employee but later found out was a Husqvarna/Viking dealer who works on commission) if they sold any machines within my (reasonable, I thought) price range. She actually snorted a little when she said, "OH no. They don't sell them for that low." Taken aback, I told her about the machine I'd bought there just a few years ago. And my friend's machine, just one year ago. Both around $200. As though she hadn't heard me, she repeated that the Viking brand simply did not sell machines for less than what was displayed there. At this point, I'm trying not to feel personally insulted (like I'm a big cheapo who just won't fork over the cash for a quality machine, so I clearly am in a lower caste than real sewers), and I asked her what brand, then, she would recommend for the price range I mentioned. Nose held high, she informed me that she would never recommend anything other than a Viking. (Again, this made sense later, when I found out that the sewing machine areas inside the JoAnn's stores are run by Viking dealers) Well, oooooookay then.

To make a long story slightly shorter, I did not end up buying a Viking. I would have liked to, but for some unknown reason, the company has apparently decided that marketing to people with realistic budgets is simply beneath them. And to be honest, I'm no longer convinced that their brand really is the best, anyway. If it were, shouldn't my trusty Husky have lasted more than three years? Anyway, I broke down and went to Sears and got a Kenmore, and so far, we are getting along swimmingly. The decision was borderline agonizing (I think I even had a nightmare about it one night)--when you sew as much as I do and really need to be able to depend on your machine not to let you down, you want a decision like this to be an informed one. And the right one. But I still, in my heart of hearts, don't think that a reliable machine with the basic functions and not a ton of bells and whistles needs to cost "one of these and one of these" (channeling the arm-and-leg chick from that one commercial). That's just a principle I believe in, but apparently Viking does not.

(And for the record, I pursued the Viking thing beyond the one rude saleswoman at JoAnn's. I did research on their Web site [and discovered that my friend's year-old dream machine is no longer being manufactured. WTH? Are you kidding me, Viking?], I contacted the company directly, and I also talked with another, much nicer saleswoman at that same JoAnn's. All of these avenues led me to the same conclusion--no dice, unless I got the barest of bare-bones machines [and while I'm not fancy, I'll admit that I wanted something slightly better than the absolute bottom rung of the sewing-machine ladder], which still would have cost me more than I wanted to spend.)

So, that's the latest drama in my life, and I'm glad it's pretty much over. (I say pretty much because my Kenmore is still within its 90-day return window, and I'm watching it very closely. We may be in a relationship now, Kenmore, but it's still early and I've got my eye on you. Don't break my heart like Husky did--I don't think I could take that again.)

missin' you

2009-10-20T11:47:00.001-07:00

Today a coworker and I were sharing pet stories and cat pictures, and I was (of course) telling Obie stories and laughing to myself. That cat and his shenanigans.

I was then flipping through photos on my phone, looking for one of Cosette to email to my coworker, and I randomly came across one of Obie. And all of a sudden I wanted to cry. It's a fairly recent picture, taken spontaneously one evening when I was sitting at the kitchen table and Obie was sprawled on the floor per usual. I took it only so I could text it to my friend Sherry (I had just been talking about him to her that day, telling her how shamelessly he liked to lie around the house, exposing his goods for all the world to see), and it has been sitting in my picture file on my phone ever since.

Sigh. Man, I miss that cat.

reflections on joy, part 3

2009-10-05T08:22:00.001-07:00

Lately, everything I read or hear about joy has been pointing back to the gospel of Jesus--the good news that he stood in our place and was killed so that we could be freed from God's judgment and enjoy eternity with him. Here are a couple of quotes I've been digging lately:

"So, have we nothing to do to obtain this righteousness? No, nothing at all! For this righteousness comes by doing nothing, hearing nothing, knowing nothing, but rather in knowing and believing this only--that Christ has gone to the right hand of the Father, not to become our judge, but to become for us our wisdom, our righteousness, our holiness, our salvation!"

-from the preface to Martin Luther's Lectures on Galatians

"The redeeming love of Jesus gives rise to one grand and joyful passion." - Mark Bair

ISTJ meets INFP

2009-09-28T13:57:00.001-07:00

Here's a semi-interesting story from my day (interesting to me, anyway) that gives a glimpse into how different my husband and I are. It's almost a typical day in the life of the Daltons.

This morning I got up and got ready for work like usual. I left on time, swung by Starbucks (yum) for a treat, and made it down 71 before the "oh my God, the roads are wet! Let's all go 5 mph!" traffic jam started, and I arrived at work at the usual time. In my mind, everything was going well until I reached for my keys to turn the car off and noticed that there was a much bigger wad of keys there than I am used to grabbing. Uhhhh, those aren't my keys...

Somehow, in my half-asleep, pre-caffeinated blur of a leaving-the-house routine this morning, I had grabbed Craig's keys and left mine on the table. Maybe for most households, this wouldn't be a problem, but in our case, the keys in my hand held the key to Craig's work truck. Problem. I then grabbed for my purse, certain that there would be like five missed calls on there, one for each level of panic as my husband nervously tried to alert me of my error before it completely screwed up his schedule for the day.

...Except my phone wasn't in my purse. I imagined on the kitchen table, lying innocently (or maybe smugly--I haven't decided) next to my keys.

Crap. I then grabbed my stuff and flew up to my office (well, "flew" might be an overstatement, considering I work on the 5th floor and spent a few minutes waiting impatiently for an elevator) where I threw it all on my desk and dialed Craig's cell number from my work phone.

Voice mail.

Are you kidding me? Aren't you wondering where your keys are? If it were me, I'd be glued to the phone. This was the first moment since we disconnected our landline a month ago that I wished we still had it. The only time that phone ever rang was (a) when a telemarketer was calling or (b) when one of us really needed to reach the other one but couldn't get through on the cell. Dang it. At this point, I left a frantic voice mail ("IhaveyourkeysI'msorryIleftmyphoneathomeI'mleavingrightnowIshouldbethereby8") and ran back down to the car (re: "ran," see previous disclaimer).

On my way home, all I heard on the radio was how the southbound lanes of both 315 and 71 were backed up almost to 270 (as I whizzed past the parking lot on 71 going the other direction...the direction I would soon be going on my way back to work), apparently because it rained overnight. Columbus drivers, you are seriously a bunch of sissies. WTH.

When I arrived home, sweaty and freaking out, I found Craig in the kitchen, cool as a cucumber. He actually laughed when he saw me fly through the door. "Forget something?"

It's days like today when I am grateful that I married a man with a personality nearly the opposite of mine. Some people might have been afraid of the wrath they'd face at home after a blunder like that. I was just worried that I'd make him late for his first job (which wasn't, as it turns out, until 10am, so the only thing he was "late" for was driving to the office to drink coffee and kill some time). And you know what, even if he had had an 8:00 job and I'd made him late, he still wouldn't have been mad.

I took the through-town route on my way back to work and arrived around 8:30. The whole debacle gouged a nice hour out of my morning, but other than that, it left me amused at my freaky-outy reactions to things and the contrast of my husband's mellow, go-with-the-flow approach to life. Yeah, we're good for each other.

okay, let's attempt to blog or something

2009-09-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

I've become a lame-o on the blogging front. I'm not sure what my problem is, but maybe I'll try to give it another shot before giving up completely. Although, I don't know why I'm even concerned with whether or not my blog is lame--it seems that a lot of people spend a lot of blogging time/space with concerns about their blog's quality, and honestly when I read that, my mental response is almost always "What are you worried about? I like reading about everyday stuff! That's my favorite kind of blog." And yet, when it comes to myself, I feel like I have to be some sort of masterful wordsmith, crafting these poetic and profound posts that make readers weep/laugh/think deeply about the deep things of life, etc.

I need to chill out.

Um, so what's been going on? Well, the Buckeyes lost last weekend, and that was sad. And I know the angry sports fans of Central Ohio are calling for Tressel's resignation with their fists in the air (or maybe that's just my husband) and scoffing at anyone who makes comments like "well at least we didn't get totally blown out," but I have to say that I was actually more impressed with the athletes' performance than I expected to be. The way people were talking before the game, you'd have thought the Buckeyes were going to take the field and immediately pee their pants and wave a white flag. Instead of that, they fought hard and kept it close. I thought they looked good, with the exception of a few mistakes (which USC matched with mistakes of their own--hello interception, hello safety). With my limited football knowledge, I'll probably have to agree that Tressel's conservative play calling kept the Buckeyes from winning a game that they proved, athletically, that they were capable of winning. And that sucks. But I'm still proud of them--they played a hell of a game and proved something to the nay-sayers who expected them to look like a bunch of weenies.

And that's my girlie football commentary of the week.

Other news? It's getting cooler, the days continue to get shorter, and that makes me sad. I'm trying to put on my big-girl pants, though, and get mentally prepared for the inevitable winter. God, sometimes I hate living in Ohio.

Labor Day weekend was nice. We went up to my aunt and uncle's place in Michigan and had a family picnic on Sunday. There was the typical quota of family drama and tension, but that's to be expected. The comedic tension-breaking winner of the day was my grandma, who interrupted an uncomfortable silence with uncharacteristic, too-funny comedic timing.

*tense silence following some loud scolding*
Nani looks up into the trees and quips, "It's so *peaceful* here!"

Win, Nani. That was awesome.

But tense moments notwithstanding, it was a good weekend. Craig and I slept in the yard in the sweet, retro camper (dubbed The Mystery Machine because of its resemblance to the bus from Scoobie Doo, although my aunt can never remember the name. "What do you call the camper? The Time Machine? The Hippiemobile?"). That was awesome, although neither of us slept very well (It's hard to sleep next to a 6'3" guy in a bed not much wider than a twin, especially when he's snoring an inch away from your face. Not that I'd know what that's like or anything.), and we got some quality time with my aunt and uncle and cousin, whom we don't get to see too often.

Let's see...other news? I'm still having some hair issues, this time with a color job gone wrong. I decided to stop the highlighting and just go back to my natural color. Now, my natural natural color is pretty dark, so i was prepared for a shock. However, the color my hair lady used was a shade lighter and definitely redder than what God gave me. It's a great color, and if I were going to continue cheating nature, I might stick with it. However, what I was going for was honesty, and this does not match my eyebrows. But the yucky part is that it doesn't really cover my highlights. So as long as I have my hair in a ponytail and you only look at the top of my head, it's fine. But if I have my hair down and I'm standing in the light, you might notice some odd streaks that look...well, kind of green. Um, no, this is not going to fly. So I'm going to try to get together with her soon to see if it can be repaired. We'll see how it goes. I'll let you know.

Oh, and speaking of hair, I never posted a curly-do picture on here, but I think I've sort of got the hang of it. Success requires a combo of products and a dryer with a diffuser, but the result is probably as good as it's going to get for someone whose hair is really only naturally wavy, not full-blown curly. Maybe I'll post a pic if I remember.

Oh, well here's one, sort of, although you can't see much of my hair. This is from our neighborhood barbecue (celebrating the completion of the patios Craig and his friends put in for us and our next-door neighbor) That is our friends' two-year-old "riding" one of the neighborhood dogs (a ginormous Rottweiler mix--we love him!)

the devil's funeral

2009-09-03T08:28:00.001-07:00

On my desk, I have a tear-off calendar of quotes from The Office. Since the year only covers one season (and 365 quotes from 20-something episodes), some of the quotes they've chosen are a bit of a stretch and not exactly the

crème de la crème of pure Office humor. Today's, however, I found delightful:

Pam: "You mean 'leaves' as in 'dies'? You want us to throw Toby a New Orleans funeral?"

Michael: "If the devil were to explode and evil were gone forever, what sort of party would you have?"

reflections on joy, part 2

2009-08-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

Here's another one from an old favorite book I'm in the middle of rereading:

"'But it is so happy to love,' said the Shepherd quietly. "It is happy to love even if you are not loved in return. There is pain too, certainly, but Love does not think that very significant.'"

-Hinds' Feet on High Places, Hannah Hurnard

reflections on joy

2009-08-28T06:12:00.001-07:00

This has been the theme of my summer--the main thing I feel God is trying to teach me these days. Maybe if I get around to it, I'll post some thoughts or other quotes that have gotten me thinking, but for today, here's just one:

"There is a joy which is given...to those who love you [God] for your own sake, whose joy you yourself are. And this is the happy life, to rejoice to you, of you, for you; this it is, and there is no other." --Augustine

Home sweet empty(ish) home

2009-06-12T20:37:00.000-07:00

We got home today from our Colorado vacation. Maybe my brain is still on mountain time because I am still up, although I am pretty exhausted.

Our trip was good. We decided to go on the trip to celebrate our sixth year of wedded bliss, and it was a decently good time. I'll write about that another time, though.

Last Saturday morning—the day we were scheduled to leave for the first leg of our westbound trip—we awoke to an awful discovery. Obie, our sweet/quirky/wonderful/inquisitive/one-of-a-kind/preposterously ridiculous cat of six years had died during the night. He appeared to have died in his sleep. We're grateful that it was apparently painless, but the suddenness and unexpectedness of it shocked us with a force that was felt throughout our trip and felt with a different kind of force this evening when we arrived home to the soft mew of only Cosette (our formerly timid and mostly hidden cat, now endowed with a new boldness, or maybe just a curious confusion about being suddenly left totally alone in the house for almost a full week).

We miss him terribly. I find myself in tears at the silliest moments--opening a can of tuna this evening, realizing that I only needed to drain the "tuna juice" (which had been so greedily coveted by Obie, but shyly eyeballed by Cosette, who was able to enjoy her portion only until Obie's was gone and he bullied his way over to her bowl. Jeez, just the sound of the can opener would bring his 20+-lb frame sprinting from any corner of the house within seconds if he thought the delectable taste of tuna juice was coming) into one dish tonight.

Anyway. Now that we're home, it's starting to sink in a little, but the freshness of this new loss hung over our trip like a wet cloud, and we arrived home this afternoon exhausted in more than one way.

We'll miss you, "little" Obie. You've been as much a fixture of the past six years of our marriage as anything else, and we loved you. We're grateful for the laughter and absurdity you brought to our life, and I have a feeling we'll be telling Obie stories for a really long time.

Are you kidding me, FedEx?

2009-05-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with one goal in mind: be here when the FedEx guy came. They'd attempted to deliver a package yesterday (the shipment from our wine club, which [obviously] requires an in-person, adult signature), and since I knew they'd only attempt to deliver two more times before I'd have to drive to Groveport to pick it up, I determined I was not leaving the house today until I'd signed for that package.

As an added surprise bonus, today is apparently the day our condo association scheduled our roof to be replaced. So I was awakened at the crack of 9 to overhead banging. Constant. Overhead. Banging. Sweet, well at least I'm awake, right? It sounds like the house is going to collapse around me at any moment, but I'm up, I'm home, and I'm not going anywhere. (You hear me, FedEx guy? I'm home!!)

About a half an hour ago, Craig called me from work, and we were chatting about his morning so far. I was telling him about the roofers, and joked that I hoped the FedEx person was smart enough to ring the doorbell when he/she came, since all I can hear is what sounds like constant knocking.

As we were chatting, I peeked out the front door and saw...are you kidding me?? Is that a door tag from FedEx? One of those polite-but-not-so-polite "we attempted to deliver your package, and we're only going to try one more time, you bastards, so you'd better be home next time" door tags? The time on the tag: 10:21. I checked my watch: 10:26.

Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me.

I made a phone call, utilized my polite-but-not-so-polite tone and a little "I understand your once-per-day delivery attempt policy, but I swear your driver can't be more than a couple miles from my house right now" logic, and somehow I managed to convince them to come back.

So I have our wine, but I'm still a little irritated and in more than a little disbelief that the guy came, knocked, and left my house while all around him there were roofers hammering and throwing shingles around.

Really? Really, FedEx?

So the moral of the story is....

If you're a FedEx customer in a similar situation: Put a note on the door. Something like, "I'm home, jackass--maybe try ringing the doorbell." (or something more polite if you're a nicer person than I am)

And if you're a FedEx driver: Ring the doorbell. It's not rocket science.

stating the obvious

2009-04-25T09:31:00.000-07:00

I do this. I don't like that I do this, but I do it.

I think I get it from my mother, who is Colonel Obvious (higher ranking than Captain Obvious, according to Wikipedia). The best example of this (most annoying when I was younger, but funny to me now) is the inevitable conversation that ensues whenever watching a movie or a TV show with my mother. Sooner or later, the implausibility (or unlikelihood, or absurdity) of a particular plot line will get to her and she just has to blurt out something like "Why doesn't he just CALL her? That would solve the whole problem!" "But Mom, that wouldn't be funny, and then the show wouldn't be very interesting."

However, I now find myself doing this.

If you watch the show 30 Rock, and you happened to watch it on Thursday, I'd be curious to hear if you had the same thought I did about the Jenna-poisoning-Kenneth storyline:

Brief recap: Lutz gets injured. A cute EMT shows up and tells Jenna he's her biggest fan. He has all her albums, he reads her blog, he loves her (And he's not even gay!). But after he disappears without leaving his name (he did give his phone number to injured Lutz [to give to Jenna], who unfortunately ate the slip of paper [apparently his head injury made him a little loopy]), Jenna begins scheming ways to find him again. The smartest plan she can come up with is to exploit Kenneth's strawberry allergy in hopes that Cute EMT will show up when 911 is called.

I was entertained by the episode, but the Colonel-Obvious's-Daughter part of me kept wondering why Jenna didn't just write about Cute EMT on her blog, which he admitted to reading religiously? He could leave her a comment, and they could get in touch that way. Duh. Of course, the disbelief-suspending part of me realized that anaphylactic shock clearly makes for better television, but every time Jenna whined "How will I ever fiiiiiiiind him again??" I kind of had to grit my teeth a little.

And, okay, I might have yelled at the TV after the third scene where Kenneth is writhing on the floor, clutching his throat and gagging.

Am I turning into my mother? Like most people who ask themselves this question, I really hope not. But if I am, I suppose there are worse qualities I could have inherited.

I can't believe I actually wrote a big, long blog about a freaking iPod

2009-04-17T09:24:00.001-07:00

(I wanted my blog to be more ordinary, and now I just feel shallow. Forgive me.)

Both the husband and I enjoy music, although he on a larger scale than I. While he is searching eBay for a perfect deal on surround sound speakers and endlessly tweaking the settings on the stereo receiver, I am perfecting my iTunes playlists, researching iPods, and contemplating the best brand of earbuds for sound quality.

I've been pining for a new iPod for awhile now. The used one we purchased last summer has turned out not to be worth the money it saved us. The sound is distorted at times, the volume level keeps getting worse, and recently the click wheel has been acting up. I have been sucking it up and dealing with it (no small feat, considering I listen to it constantly—while working out, while driving, and all day while working), but last week I caved and started looking into the cheapest way to get a new one.

Thanks to some patience and some clever eBay bidding, I found a brand-new 4th generation 8 GB nano for about 2/3rd of the retail price (a total which technically is about equal to my share of some yet-unspent Christmas money from months ago...so when you play little mind games with yourself, you can believe it was basically free. Not that that matters, but it did something to ease my "Is this expense necessary or frivolous?" internal battle over the little 1.5" X 3.5" piece of machinery). It arrived on Wednesday—a little purple gem nestled in bubble wrap and a clear plastic box inside a bubble envelope. Resisting the urge to tear it open with my teeth and start using it right away, I decided to be patient and wait until its accessories (specifically, the hard case) arrive. Meanwhile I let it spend a day plugged into iTunes, charging its battery and loading itself with music I would be enjoying (clearly! and loudly!) all too soon.

Fast forward to last night. Wait, I should back up a little. Several years ago when I got my first iPod (a 2 GB 2nd generation nano that now belongs to Craig), I became enthralled with the Apple-brand earbuds. Until then, I had hated earbuds—they hurt my ears, they always fell out, the sound was crap, etc.—and opted for headphones. But all that changed once I discovered the bonafide, name-brand, meant-for-my-iPod-and-my-iPod-was-meant-for-them earbuds. I don't know what it is, but the sound quality is phenomenal through those little guys. They retail for around $30 (!!??!), but they come standard with any new iPod. So imagine how crushed I was when I discovered that Obie (the 20+ lb spaz cat from outer space) had chewed through the cord. Since then, I have been making do with lesser earbuds, on the prowl for a generic set that can deliver the same quality (to no avail).

End sidenote.

Fast forward to last night. I'm checking my email and a flash of brilliant purple catches my eye. I glance over to see my new little toy sitting there patiently on top of the computer tower. I think it actually winked at me. So I thought, to heck with it. Case or no case, I'm going to unplug this girl and take her for a spin. I reached for my new (and long-awaited) pair of Apple-brand earbuds and flick the wheel to a favorite old song ("Inside Out" by Eve 6). To my surprise, the intro is only playing in my right ear. Desperate to find a reason other than the inevitable one I'm dreading, I think to myself, "Maybe the song starts this way. I'll bet it does. This is the acoustic part—once the drums kick in, I'm sure I'll get sound through both speakers."

Nope.

With a sick feeling in my heart, I slowly look down at the cord and discover what I had most feared—there's a spot where the outer rubber coating is broken and there are wires sticking out. Whether the cat is to blame or this injury was there (but unnoticed) when I opened the box, I don't know. But once I could bear to look over at him, I swear that cat was trying just a little too hard to look cute and innocent.

To be honest, I am a little embarrassed at how sad this made me. I just wanted to enjoy the superior sound quality of my new toy (and fully appreciate the difference between it and the broken-down, janked-up one I'd been using for the past year), and now I'd have to wait even longer.

Thankfully, I found some factory-sealed Apple earbuds on eBay for $7.99 (Why I never thought to look there before, I don't know), so now it's just a matter of waiting for the mail to get here. Meanwhile, my little purple treasure sits there, waiting much more patiently than I for her full potential to be realized and appreciated.

Soon, little one. Soon.

Okay, I need to use this thing.

2009-04-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

I feel like this blog has an identity crisis. When I decided to retire my old blog and make a switch, part of my goal was to be a little less serious--a little more "ordinary life," a little less "all my personal inner thoughts out there." So many of my friends have awesome, this-is-my-daily-life blogs, and I love reading them. I want to be like that! So here's my attempt. We'll see how it goes.

I discovered (/created) a new drink over the weekend. I was at the liquor store, trying to find the fixins for pomegranate martinis (i.e. vodka + cointreau + pomegranate juice). That goal was thwarted. Thwart #1: cointreau apparently costs about one million dollars for a teeny-tiny bottle. My desire to contribute a quality beverage to Saturday's girls' night could have overcome my penny-pincher side, but then came Thwart #2: The store didn't have any pomegranate juice. The guy was like, "Try Kroger or Meijer." I thought to myself, "Buddy, I've got places to go--I intend to finish this errand in one stop. I'm not going to the freaking grocery store." They did, however, have pomegranate liqueur. I have had this before, and it's quite yummy. So, I decided to give it a try--nix the cointreau (Yay! That crap's expensive anyway), get vodka and pomegranate liqueur. However, the pomegranate juice was the non-alcoholic ingredient in this whole blissful concoction--substituting liqueur in its place is just a recipe for quick drunkenness (not my goal). I needed a water-downer substitute. So, I grabbed some club soda and got the frick out of there.

The result? Tasty! A fizzy, fruity martini. However, I'm wondering if it would be better to eliminate the vodka altogether. I tried making it with a small amount of each (vodka and liqueur, which has about half the alcohol of liquor), but it didn't have much flavor, so I ended up adding more and more of the pomegranate liqueur until it tasted "right." However, I'm afraid that upped the booze content a bit too much--these are yummy, but you can really only enjoy one.

Any advice? I'm thinking that maybe adding a fruit juice (either instead of or in addition to the club soda) might be a non-inebriating way to add some flavor, but I'm not sure what fruits go well with pomegranate. I know cointreau has an orange flavor, so maybe orange juice? Okay, that's the end of everyday blog #1 :)

new blog

2009-03-27T19:16:00.000-07:00

So, this is my new blog. As you can see, it needs some work. Any suggestions?

Since this new blog is supposed to be a little less serious than my old one (think "New Deep" by John Mayer), I'm fighting the urge to make a personal metaphor out of the whole "under construction" thing. But "In Repair" (again, by John Mayer) is running through my head.

More later. Until then, I leave you with the moose post from that blog--the one that was funny for awhile, but which has now just become redundant. The moose post is still my favorite.