Day 16--a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

I don't know if I'll do anywhere near all of these "Day X" posts, but we are having technical difficulties at work right now, and I literally have nothing else to do while I wait for things to get back up and running.
 
Okay, I initially was going to talk about "You're My Home" by Billy Joel, and how it makes me think of my husband, but then I started typing out the lyrics and realized some of the lines are a bit PG-rated and might be interpreted as TMI (not what I was going for). So, here's another song that gets me teary-eyed and also makes me think of my marriage. I think it's a beautiful picture of a relationship where you know someone completely and are fully known by them. I love the way she redefines "happy" in the context of a marriage in which two people have gone through some hard things together, yet there is a depth there now that is so much better than the superficial "happy" that some people settle for. The type of transparancy she describes here can be scary, so I find this song both challenging and inspiring, and it makes me thankful for my husband and the marriage we have fought for over the past seven years.
 
Different Kinds of Happy (by Sara Groves)

 

Go on and ask me anything. What do you need to know?

I'm not holding on to anything I'm not willing to let go of To be free, to be free
 
I've got to ask you something, but please don't be afraid

There's a promise here thats heavier than your answer might weigh

Baby it's me, it's me
 
It's a sweet, sweet thing

Standing here with you and nothing to hide

Light shining down to our very insides

Sharing our secrets, baring our souls,
Helping each other come clean
 
Secrets and cyphers, there's no good way to hide

There's redemption in confession and freedom in the light

I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid
 
It's a sweet, sweet thing

Standing here with you and nothing to hide

Light shining down to our very insides

Sharing our secrets, baring our souls,
Helping each other come clean 

Better than our promises

Is the day we got to keep them

I wish those two could see us now,

They never would believe how there are different kinds of happy

Different kinds of happy

There are different kinds of happy

Different kinds of happy
 
It's a sweet, sweet thing

Standing here with you and nothing to hide

Light shining down to our very insides

Sharing our secrets, baring our souls,
Helping each other come clean

restless

"In the way of righteousness there is life..." - Proverbs 12:28

 

God's way is the way of life and good things. That was the topic of discussion at last night's women's Bible study (we are studying the book of Proverbs).

 

Fitting, considering lately I have been struggling with some discontentment.

 

One of the verses we read last night had a marginal note in our study book (wish I could remember the actual verse and note--sorry) that expounded on the idea that pursuing God and God's best in our lives leads to joy, satisfaction, fulfillment, etc.

 

Like Saint Augustine prayed, I want to look to God alone for the satisfaction my heart desires. I am free to look elsewhere, but I won't find it anywhere else.

 

"Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee." - Augustine

Day 12--being "OCD"

Today I'm going to pretend it's Day 12 and post on "Something I am OCD about":

First, I'd like to comment on the idea of "being OCD" about something. Didn't OCD used to be a diagnosable disorder, not a state of mind? I find it amusing how flippantly we all talk about being OCD all of a sudden. I don't think this used to be the case.

Also, I find it kind of funny that this list-game-thing assumes we all have something that we are "OCD" about (I think I'll use quotes to differentiate between being actually OCD and just being anal retentive).

Lastly, I'm sure I am "OCD" about many things. There are lots of things I get weird about. I have even joked that I might be partly autistic (or I guess I should say "autistic"--no disrespect intended to those who are actually autistic). I can get really focused and obsessive about things that no one else cares about. But I will throw this out there: if you happen to know my mother, you will (or should) agree that I'm not so bad.

Now for one actual thing I am OCD about: When I sneeze or blow my nose at work, I use hand santizer afterward. Every time. Even if I sneeze into my elbow or a tissue, and even if it's just allergies (a common thing this allergy season. It's been a bad one). I should add that I have my own office with a door, and that I'm the only one who touches anything in here. Also, I used to wipe down everything in my office pretty regularly with a Clorox wipe, until the wipes ran out and I've been too lazy to get more. I guess one can't be truly "OCD" and be lazy at the same time.

Monday, and I'm blogging!

I'm sitting here drinking a Juicy Juice, and I decided to blog. No, there's probably not a connection there.

Sidenote: I do not have kids, but I enjoy juice boxes. Another childish enjoyment: silly bands. However, why I don't think this is creepy: the Juicy Juice came into my possession by accident (left in my cooler at a reunion picnic a couple weeks ago), and the one silly band I own was given to me by a friend with kids. I have resisted the urge to trade it with friends' kids (it is a princess crown, and I want to keep it).

I saw this on my friend Sarah's blog, and I'm stealing it. You're supposed to post every day for 30 days on the list of topics below. I'll attempt to do this for the next 30 calendar days, but I doubt I'll do it every day. And I'll probably pick and choose from the list, and probably out of order. So this is not just stolen, but also modified to suit my preferences.

Day 1 - your favorite song

Day 2 - your favorite movie

Day 3 - your favorite television program

Day 4 - your favorite book

Day 5 - your favorite quote

Day 6 - 20 of your favorite things

Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy

Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad

Day 9 - a photo you took

Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you

Day 11 - a photo of you recently

Day 12 - something you are OCD about

Day 13 - a fictional book

Day 14 - a non-fictional book

Day 15 - your dream house

Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)

Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc)

Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding

Day 19 - a talent of yours

Day 20 - a hobby of yours

Day 21 - a recipe

Day 22 - a website

Day 23 - a youtube video

Day 24 - where you live

Day 25 - your day, in great detail

Day 26 - your week, in great detail

Day 27 - your worst habit

Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse

Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days

Day 30 - a dream for the future

And because I've already wasted enough time blogging for now, I'll save my first "favorite" post for another day.

hope

So, since that last blog post was a little melancholy sounding, I feel the need to post a followup. I'm feeling better now :) Maybe because it's now 3:30 in the afternoon instead of in the morning. Either way, God has been giving me His perspective about some things lately, which always makes me feel a lot more hopeful and a lot more sane. (Sidenote: I have a friend who always uses the word "sane" in reference to God, His word, the truth, etc. I don't think there's a better word for it--when I'm relying on myself, my wisdom, my understanding, things quickly feel cloudy and confusing, and my thoughts can get a little nutty. God's truth, His wisdom, and His perspective are sanity and they are clarity, and boy I need that. A constant IV drip of that sanity.)

 

I've been reading some things lately that have been part of that IV drip--one being Proverbs, another being a book called The Bookends of the Christian Life (by Jerry Bridges and Bob Bevington). Here are a couple little nuggets that have been helpful to me lately:

 

"Do not be wise in your own eyes;

      fear the LORD and shun evil.

This will bring health to your body

      and nourishment to your bones." - Prov 3:7-8

 

Man, I do love feeling wise in my own eyes! But Proverbs (which I'm studying with some girlfriends right now) has been teaching me the value of learning to love God's wisdom and to be suspicious of my own.

 

This next one is from the Bookends book, which I highly recommend. This blurb is from the first chapter, "The Righteousness of Christ" (which is the first "bookend" that the book discusses. The other bookened is "The power of the Holy Spirit", and the idea is that these are the two things that hold our Christian lives together):

 

"We must learn to live like the apostle Paul, looking every day outside ourselves to Christ and seeing ourselves standing before God clothed in his perfect righteousness. Every day we must re-acknowledge the fact that there's nothing we can do to make ourselves either more acceptable to God or less acceptable. Regardless of how much we grow in our Christian lives, we're accepted for Christ's sake or not accepted at all. It's this reliance on Christ alone, apart from any consideration of our good or bad deeds, that enables us to experience the daily reality of the first bookend, in which the believer finds peace and joy and comfort and gratitude."

 

Good stuff.

Maybe I'll start blogging more...

...but probably not.

So, it's late. Or, early. Either way, I should be sleeping. But I woke up to pee and couldn't get back to sleep (HATE when that happens). And then my stomach started hurting pretty badly, so I decided to get up for awhile (since the last time that happened, it was the beginnings of a 24-hour pukefest flu party, and I wanted to be close to a bathroom if we were about to enjoy the sequel to that little number...)

Yeah, that was probably TMI. But hey, it's 4 am and my inner editor is asleep.

Here are some random things on my mind:

• When I feel hurt, I often have a very nasty/mean reaction. Luckily (for you, anyway) it doesn't usually come blasting out at the other person (sometimes it does indirectly, but even that I try to have some control over. Because, yeah, even passive-aggressiveness is pretty uncool). On a probably not-unrelated note, I still have a stomachache. And have been lying awake for the past 45 minutes thinking of things I'd like to say to someone if I lived in the type of world where I could really let them have it without having any consequences (such as hurting their feelings or damaging our relationship).

• On a probably not-unrelated note, it occurred to me today that I think I have some anger issues. Stuffed-down, unhealthy anger issues (but anger issues nonetheless).

• On a definitely unrelated note....whoa, how about that oil spill, eh? It's really bad. I mean, REALLY bad. Man.

• I feel like my relationship with God needs a tune-up. While on one hand, I feel like that's something I shouldn't admit "out loud," another part of me knows (knows!) that 99% of other Christians probably feel the same way. And the other 1% are in denial.

• I read something during my middle-of-the-night Web perusal that inspired me and gave me hope (and a practical step to take) for helping with that last bullet.

Okay, and I just heard a scary noise, so time to get off the computer and turn on some lights. WTH, I really need to go to sleep.

sick of being sick

So, we're going on vacation in a few days, and I can't help but feel like the odds of it being fun are being stacked against me.

 

A couple weeks ago, I noticed my throat was scratchy. Because pollen counts seem to be reaching record highs this spring, I blew it off. Then it became a sore throat. Then it became a sore throat with a weird wheezing/congested feeling in my chest. I made sure to drink lots of fluids and get plenty of sleep, and within a couple days, the sore throat went away. But the chest weirdness never quite did, and my throat was still scratchy. By the middle of last week, the chest pain/weirdness had gotten annoyingly bad, so I finally called the doctor. (It occurred to me that I didn't want to be sick on vacation, so if this was something more than allergies, I should probably get it taken care of.) Turns out, I had bronchitis. Nice.

 

Now, I hate taking antibiotics, but I filled and took my Z-pack like a good girl, again making sure to get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids (by then, I was really feeling pretty crappy). I slowly start feeling better. Well, then earlier this week, I started noticing some symptoms that led me to believe that taking the antibiotics had made me sick in a different way. (I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that it's something that plagues women from time to time, especially if you're taking antibiotics and not eating enough yogurt.) Soooooo I called the doctor's office and asked for a prescription for this new problem (which they thankfully called in. I was really not in the mood to have to take time away from work AGAIN and pay an office visit copay AGAIN). The remedy came in a handy-dandy little pill, which made me very happy. Until it made me feel nauseated and miserable. (Note to self: super-convenient little pills can apparently have nasty side effects) At this point (yesterday), I just wanted to cry, "I just want to feel BETTER in time for vacation!" Oh, and also yesterday I found out that one of my coworkers (who had driven a bunch of us to lunch the day before, and I had sat next to her in her car and at the restaurant) has the stomach flu. She's a lovely person, but I think I might have said out loud, "If she gets me sick, I might kill her."

 

Oh, and I also checked the forecast for the city where we will be staying next week, and this is what the first three days look like:

 

Sun
May 16

Scattered T-Storms

 

 

Mon
May 17

Scattered T-Storms

 

Tue
May 18

Few Showers

 

Although, on the bright side, the 10-day forecast a few days ago showed that weather happening all week next week, but now Wednesday and Thursday are supposed to be sunny. So maybe things ARE looking up after all.