sick of being sick

So, we're going on vacation in a few days, and I can't help but feel like the odds of it being fun are being stacked against me.

 

A couple weeks ago, I noticed my throat was scratchy. Because pollen counts seem to be reaching record highs this spring, I blew it off. Then it became a sore throat. Then it became a sore throat with a weird wheezing/congested feeling in my chest. I made sure to drink lots of fluids and get plenty of sleep, and within a couple days, the sore throat went away. But the chest weirdness never quite did, and my throat was still scratchy. By the middle of last week, the chest pain/weirdness had gotten annoyingly bad, so I finally called the doctor. (It occurred to me that I didn't want to be sick on vacation, so if this was something more than allergies, I should probably get it taken care of.) Turns out, I had bronchitis. Nice.

 

Now, I hate taking antibiotics, but I filled and took my Z-pack like a good girl, again making sure to get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids (by then, I was really feeling pretty crappy). I slowly start feeling better. Well, then earlier this week, I started noticing some symptoms that led me to believe that taking the antibiotics had made me sick in a different way. (I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say that it's something that plagues women from time to time, especially if you're taking antibiotics and not eating enough yogurt.) Soooooo I called the doctor's office and asked for a prescription for this new problem (which they thankfully called in. I was really not in the mood to have to take time away from work AGAIN and pay an office visit copay AGAIN). The remedy came in a handy-dandy little pill, which made me very happy. Until it made me feel nauseated and miserable. (Note to self: super-convenient little pills can apparently have nasty side effects) At this point (yesterday), I just wanted to cry, "I just want to feel BETTER in time for vacation!" Oh, and also yesterday I found out that one of my coworkers (who had driven a bunch of us to lunch the day before, and I had sat next to her in her car and at the restaurant) has the stomach flu. She's a lovely person, but I think I might have said out loud, "If she gets me sick, I might kill her."

 

Oh, and I also checked the forecast for the city where we will be staying next week, and this is what the first three days look like:

 

Sun
May 16

Scattered T-Storms

 

 

Mon
May 17

Scattered T-Storms

 

Tue
May 18

Few Showers

 

Although, on the bright side, the 10-day forecast a few days ago showed that weather happening all week next week, but now Wednesday and Thursday are supposed to be sunny. So maybe things ARE looking up after all.

Dear blog, please forgive me for neglecting you

Why do I feel a twinge of guilt when I think about writing in here? (Or think about NOT writing in here, which is what I spend more time doing. Uh, not doing. Whatever.)

I am a writer. I do believe this is true, even when I'm not writing. I wish I were writing more, but that's another subject. Blogging is an entirely different animal. I'm not so sure anymore that I am a blogger.

The whole putting-my-life-out-there-on-the-Internet-for-anyone-to-read thing has become more unsettling over the past few years. I used to barf it all out there without a second thought, but time and circumstances have made me more cautious. So that's one reason for my blogdentity crisis.

So I changed blogs and tried only posting casual, daily stuff. Less hey-here's-my-deepest-thoughts-and-feelings type of stuff.

And that's when I really stopped blogging. Maybe I just can't do this kind of blog. And really, nothing against those types of blogs--my friends write them, I love reading them, but I just can't seem to write them about my own life. Maybe (probably) because I overanalyze everything. I'm an overthinker and an overcomplicator, and that doesn't fit well with casual blogging. Maybe.

So now instead of blogging about my pensive thoughts or blogging about my daily life, I've been blogging about blogging. How lame is that?

So forgive the identity crisis of this space. I think that's why I have kept the "Under Construction" banner up--this blog is still in process, still deciding what it wants to be (hell, IF it wants to be).

So, like the construction signs you see up in grocery stores or other places of business, I would like to thank you for your patience as you pardon the dust and mess. I hope there are at least a few of you still reading. Thank you for stepping over the yellow tape and stopping by in spite of the disasterishness of this area.

Spring is here!

Yesterday was the first day of spring! After a deadly awful winter, I couldn't be happier to see spring make its official entrance.

What's been new the past few months? Let's do a bullet list...

• Craig had nasal surgery last Wednesday. Got to stay home for a few days and take care of him. It was nice.

• Dealing with cat drama. Cosette still hates Oskar's guts, and all the anti-anxiety pills seem to do is make her getaway sprint a little slower. Sigh.

• Plans were made, plans were busted. We wanted to use our vacation time this year to go on a short-term mission trip with our church, but that fell through with some miscommunications and missed deadlines. Whoops.

• Instead, we are taking a vacation with some friends and their kids. Very much looking forward to that.

• Still recovering from the Great Winter Funk. Starting to hate Ohio between Christmas and now. The thought of moving is tempting, but we have too much other good stuff here at the moment. I need to remind myself of all those good things when the winter gets so gray and cold and dark that I want to kill myself.

Okay, bedtime. This time off from work has gotten me a little too used to staying up past midnight. Tomorrow, it's back to the real world.

Blogging takes time I just don't want to give it

I just don't have time for this these days.

Facebook, you and your status updates have made blogging (writing a bonafide long, thought-out post) feel like a daunting task. Damn you and your convenient, 140-character-limit, tiny-box-to-type-in accessibility. You are killing the blogger within me (and I don't even really mind).

Anyway, the Big Thing on my heart lately is money. How to use it wisely, how not to let it rule my life and my pursuits. How to keep it in its proper place. Simple living is the theme of the day, and I just have to say that I get excited thinking about how to trim the fat, be more creative and relational and less impulsive and self-medicating in the way I spend my time and resources. It's sad, but my default setting just runs to entertainment and activities (often the kinds that cost money) when I'm bored or looking for a way to unwind. And I'm coming to the conclusion that, not only is this is not really refreshing (in the "ahhhh" sense that my soul craves when it feels stretched too thin and in need of a break), but it's not even good for me. On a lot of levels.

But anyway, getting into all those thoughts would turn this into the long blog that I just don't feel like writing, so that's about all I'm going to say about that.

Several things prompted these thoughts, but the prominent one is the husband's current work situation. The company he works for is in the process of being bought out by its major market competitor (I'm not naming names or anything, but there was a big press release the other day, so it's not exactly a secret). No one knows yet whether it will happen, or if it does, when or if or how it will affect his current position, but needless to say it has gotten us thinking about lots of things. What we really want our lives to be characterized by. What will truly make us happy. How to continue being generous with the resources we have (especially in light of the Haiti disaster and countless other cases of serious poverty and real need around the world. Or right here in our city.). This unexpected new circumstance was a jolt to us, but in a good way. I feel like it has already brought us closer and lit a bright floodlight in both of our hearts, exposing the false gods we trust in for security, comfort, and meaning. Challenging those false securities and driving us to recommit to trusting the true God for those things, which He has always offered us and faithfully given us, in times of plenty and in times of need.

It feels good. It's an invigorating place to be. God, let us never become soft or greedy for more in a world where the treasures are so temporary. Let us never forget that everything we have has been given to us by You, and we are only stewards. Let us continue to hold loosely to all that is temporal and hold fast to what is eternal. Let us live simply, give generously, and trust You completely.

thankful!

I know this is late for the thanksgiving-themed posts, but I just have to say that I am thankful for my awesome boss. I have not always had good bosses in the past (and I'm sure I'll have crappy ones again in the future), as I'm sure everyone can relate to. However, my current job is wonderful in many respects, one of them being that I'm blessed to have a boss who

-listens to her employees

-isn't a company robot (spouting the corporate line with a glassy-eyed, inhuman gaze that says "I've forgotten what it's like to be a real person")

-understands that her people have families and lives that often have to take priority over their jobs

-is known as "the best one" of the group of managers here

-somehow has mastered the mystical balance between being good at the functional day-to-day operations as well as being good at managing the people under her (most bosses are good at either one or the other; it's rare to find one who does both well)

-is just a nice person.

So yeah. In the current economic climate of joblessness and financial uncertainty, I am grateful every day that I have a job to go to at all--the other added bonuses of working here are ones I don't want to take for granted, either.

proverbs 19:11

"A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."

 

Working on this. Well, apparently God is working on this in my heart.

on the sewing rebound (and hoping this latest love will last forever)

I should probably be working but I was just catching up on some of my blog reading and decided it was time for an update of my own.

 

Lately my life has been a bit consumed with sewing. At a friend's invitation, I decided to "go public" with my pillow-embroidery skills and do a couple of craft shows to see if my wares would sell. So far, the shows themselves have not been too profitable, but the effort I put into organizing an order-taking system for the pillows has been. So, while the majority of my paying customers are still friends, and while I still have several gift pillows to make right now (Christmas is coming, you know) in the midst of all the paying orders, I feel rejuvenated and encouraged about how this little "business" is going (in quotes because...well...don't tell the IRS).

 

However, in the midst of all the excitement and busyness, I suddenly (a couple weeks ago) found myself needing a new sewing machine. The one I'd been using was only three years old, and the time I bought it I really thought I was getting a good brand that would last me for the long haul (It's a Huskystar--the more affordable line from Husqvarna/Viking--a trusted brand), it nevertheless has been jamming and skipping and behaving demonically a bit too much for my tastes lately. I think anyone who sews knows that sewing machines just act that way sometimes for no apparent reason. Usually they get over it and start working right again, but this time I'd had enough. One night, I spent hours just trying to use a zig-zag stitch to attach a "Buckeyes"-embroidered piece of fabric onto another piece of fabric (a task that should take five minutes on a good day), and by the third time I had to rip out the stitches because Husky-Beelzebub-Star insisted on eating the fleece and snapping the thread, I was done. I turned it off that night and swore that our three-year relationship of love and heartache was through. I now had actual work to do, with actual deadlines, and Husky could no longer be trusted. I needed a machine I could rely on, so it was time to get back into the sewing-machine dating game.

 

The first place I looked was JoAnn's, which is where I'd purchased my Husky, and I knew they sold quality machines there. In fact, a friend of mine had just bought a machine there a year ago and paid about the same price that I paid for Husky three years ago, and I'd been drooling over her machine ever since I first saw it. So, my point is, I had high hopes for the JoAnn's trip. I had a price in mind that I didn't want to exceed, but I thought my budget was more than reasonable, given my past experience and my friend's experience.

 

Wrong.

 

I should have known there was trouble when I was in line at the cutting counter, and my husband (yes, he came to JoAnn's with me--bless his heart) came over to me and muttered that there were sewing machines for sale that cost as much as our Corolla. (Granted, we buy used cars, and Mary Jo Corolla was 13 years old when we got her, but still) But in my heart, I was still starry-eyed and naive, picturing myself sitting in front of a lovely new machine, cranking out a perfect assembly line of pillows that would brighten the lives of children everywhere. Sure, there are Cadillac machines for sale--the ones that download embroidery patterns from the Internet and practically run themselves like a player piano--but I just wanted something simple and practical. Surely they had those for sale, too.

 

Wrong.

 

After finishing at the cutting counter and going over to browse the sewing machines, my first reaction was confusion. The cheapest machine was $330? On sale? Must be a mistake. Maybe all the cheaper machines were in another place in the store or something. So I asked the woman sitting behind a table (whom I'd assumed was an impartial JoAnn's employee but later found out was a Husqvarna/Viking dealer who works on commission) if they sold any machines within my (reasonable, I thought) price range. She actually snorted a little when she said, "OH no. They don't sell them for that low." Taken aback, I told her about the machine I'd bought there just a few years ago. And my friend's machine, just one year ago. Both around $200. As though she hadn't heard me, she repeated that the Viking brand simply did not sell machines for less than what was displayed there. At this point, I'm trying not to feel personally insulted (like I'm a big cheapo who just won't fork over the cash for a quality machine, so I clearly am in a lower caste than real sewers), and I asked her what brand, then, she would recommend for the price range I mentioned. Nose held high, she informed me that she would never recommend anything other than a Viking. (Again, this made sense later, when I found out that the sewing machine areas inside the JoAnn's stores are run by Viking dealers) Well, oooooookay then.

 

To make a long story slightly shorter, I did not end up buying a Viking. I would have liked to, but for some unknown reason, the company has apparently decided that marketing to people with realistic budgets is simply beneath them. And to be honest, I'm no longer convinced that their brand really is the best, anyway. If it were, shouldn't my trusty Husky have lasted more than three years? Anyway, I broke down and went to Sears and got a Kenmore, and so far, we are getting along swimmingly. The decision was borderline agonizing (I think I even had a nightmare about it one night)--when you sew as much as I do and really need to be able to depend on your machine not to let you down, you want a decision like this to be an informed one. And the right one. But I still, in my heart of hearts, don't think that a reliable machine with the basic functions and not a ton of bells and whistles needs to cost "one of these and one of these" (channeling the arm-and-leg chick from that one commercial). That's just a principle I believe in, but apparently Viking does not.

 

(And for the record, I pursued the Viking thing beyond the one rude saleswoman at JoAnn's. I did research on their Web site [and discovered that my friend's year-old dream machine is no longer being manufactured. WTH? Are you kidding me, Viking?], I contacted the company directly, and I also talked with another, much nicer saleswoman at that same JoAnn's. All of these avenues led me to the same conclusion--no dice, unless I got the barest of bare-bones machines [and while I'm not fancy, I'll admit that I wanted something slightly better than the absolute bottom rung of the sewing-machine ladder], which still would have cost me more than I wanted to spend.)

 

So, that's the latest drama in my life, and I'm glad it's pretty much over. (I say pretty much because my Kenmore is still within its 90-day return window, and I'm watching it very closely. We may be in a relationship now, Kenmore, but it's still early and I've got my eye on you. Don't break my heart like Husky did--I don't think I could take that again.)